Comrade Holland Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) WARNING: The following information is being disseminated by an intoxicated and borderline retarded individual with absolutely no experience in gunsmithing or even the use of basic hand tools. Attempting to follow this guide will result in irreparable harm to your replica BB gun, your hands, limbs and/or face, as well as your state of mental health. Reading any further is highly discouraged. This post is tagged NSFW due to its reckless use of crude language, dangerous techniques, and low quality results. Viewer discretion is advised. Welcome to our second edition of Beatin' On Guns With A Fucking Hammer. This series focuses on retrofitting AK-style BB guns with real steel parts. Today we'll be working on the optic plate AKA scope rail AKA side mount AKA what the fuck ever you wanna call it. Many years ago The Vega Force Company (VFC) was known as BB Gun War's finest producer of boutique AK-style BB guns. Chairsofters and Forum Queens around the world lauded the incredible quality of their precision-tooled parts. This reputation is not deserved. Like all BB guns, VFCs are crudely fashioned toys, shoddily strapped together by nine year old Taiwanese ladyboys working for $1.45 a day. Remember the first rule of BB Guns: All BB guns are garbage. Complete and total garbage. The issue here is that while VFC took the care to produce their finely crafted optic plate out of quality solid steel, and took the time to make sure it and the mock rivets were mounted in exactly the correct position on the receiver, they neglected to make it actually fit a fucking scope. No fuckin' clue what the hell this is supposed to be but you can't put ANY Warsaw Pact style optics on it. SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT HOMBRE? Today we forcibly remove Lo Pan's head from his ass and put a proper fuckin' rail on there from The Motherload Of All Motherlands -- Bulgaria. Just look at this, holy shit, this is autheentik second-world quality right here. Nice, man, Bulgaria is like the Accura of Eastern Europe. Ultra-quality. Nice. Oh yeah, don't you dare think this thing mounts Chinese optics either. The mean green here is way too small. Before we start working on this tragic hunk of scrap metal we need to start drinking. As the famous Chinese martial artist E. Honda once said, "Alcohol strengthens the mind, the body and the soul. You will not exceed the influence of my beer." (machine translation.) Ok WARRIORS let's get our chi into alignment. Did you notice that the BOGWAFH acronym doubles as an onamonapia for the sound you make with your head in the toilet after a long night of BB gun tech work? Tonight I'm drinking Bud Light. This beer pours a hazy, golden yellow colour with two fingers of puffy, loosely foamy, off-white head. It smells of tart, fruity acid and gritty wheat malt, a lesser milky sourness, earthy yeast and some very subtle herbal bitters. The taste is sour lacto bacteria and semi-sweet pale malt. Mouthfeel is timid with an overall body of middleweight and general frothiness. Let's get down to business.STEP ONE: Disembowl your gun. Lo Pan was too retarded to rivet the plate in properly. Instead their army of day laborers screw flatehead allen screws into fake rivets. Check that VFC quality. Unscrew these three fake rivets. You'll need a metric L-shaped allen, you can't get in there with straight keys. After removal the new plate will fit on like so: So now we come to the big problem with using real steel parts-- the finish. Matte black? That shit aint realistic at all. We need to get rid of this shit finish and find something better. Yank out that pocket sand and blast this bitch. Wow, it was previously black, now it's white, and soon it will be black again. How much more MILSIM can we get? The answer is FAR MORE MILSIM. Wal-Mart Semi-Gloss spray paint. This is WAY more MILSIM than the stock finish, trust me. We may be reaching levels of MILSIM never before thought possible. This gun will be MILSIMMING in it's sleep. I would like to issue a personal notice to the inventor of Matte Black: Eat shit and die, your gods are dead and everything you believe in is FALSE. So at this point a professional AK tech would-Remove the old rivets using a hammer and punch, possibly a bench press-Weld up and redrill any holes in the receiver that didn't line up-Buy new rivets-Use a 20 ton press and a specially designed jig to press in each rivet-Stand back and admire quality work But wait... do you see any professionals around here? No? THERE AINT ANY. SO WHO THE FUCK IS FLYING THIS PLANE? We're gunna weld this shit up from the inside like proper redneck slavic white trash. So the front and rear rivets line up perfectly, the middle one, not so much. Grind it. Throttle up your MIG welder. Check for abnormal pumping as that will affect the result dramatically. Keep your miter saw and corner rounder ready to deal with any slag. Feel free to beat this, or any gun with a fucking hammer at this point. You'll need to weld up these two holes first though. Great job team. Now you need to take a file to the metalltic splooge on the inside of your receiver. Go on, file. File. Really file. Yeahh. File. Uh huh. It's an upper arm workout. Do you even work out bro? File. Keep filing.... STEP TWO: REEMBOWL THE GUN Holy fuckin' shit amigo... we may be reaching levels of MILSIM not legally allowed by law. Just think if we were to SNEAKY IZSMASH THERE'S NO STOPPING IT Many highly respected industry experts agree that putting an optic on a BB gun is for fucking retards that don't know what the fuck they're doing. I concur. However I am going to a MILSIM west game soon. The MSW elite cadre masturbators have decided that wearing 'whatever the fuck you want' is somehow 'MILSIM'. I intend to use this to determine if lil' hombre over there is wearing Digital Flora or MARPAT or CADPAT or FAGPAT or MSWCADREPAT, etc... The difference is important, if a little subtle. Is improving a BB gun ever worth it? The answer, most likely, is no. So after a metric shit ton of pointless work, the sun finally sets on another useless BB gun project. Edited July 30, 2017 by Comrade Holland 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nox Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Yeeeessssss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 This is without a doubt the greatest thing I've ever had the displeasure of reading on any airsoft forum. Holland, have you considered writing children's books... Or VFC owners manuals?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sturm Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Holland - your shit is top notch! Both in content and written form. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nox Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Are those Tekton hex wrenches? Excellent choice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endgame Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 This. SO. MUCH. FUCKING. THIS. Praise be to the Angry Airsoft Jeebus!!!!1!!!!!! Notice the fucking 1? That's how happy I am to read this. Yes....you, sir...you glorious glorious man....win the internet for life... Carry on you sexy fucking animal you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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